致命的大錯
"Finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10."
"Qualifications: No education or experience."
"I am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy."
"My compensation should be at least equal to my age."
"Reason for Leaving: It had to do with the IRS, FBI and SEC."
"Fired because I fought for lower pay."
"Size of employer: Very tall, probably over 6”5"."
"Please disregard the enclosed resume-it is terribly out of date."
"Reason for Leaving: My boss said the end of the world is near."
"Reason for Leaving: The owner gave new meaning to the word ”paranoia.” I prefer to elaborate privately."
打字錯誤與語法錯誤
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
"I am a rabid typist."
"Work History: Performed brain wave tests,1879-1981."
"After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work."
"Accounting cleric."
"As indicted, I have over five years of experience analyzing investments."
"Suspected to graduate early next year."
"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."
"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."
"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
"Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school."
不應有的幽默
"Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all others to heat your house."
"Assisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a fast-paced setting."
(Translation: Short-order cook.)
"But wait...there”s more. You get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature."
"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
"My fortune cookie said, ”Your next interview will result in a job”-and I like your company in particular."
"Title: Another resume from the ”Profiles in Excellence” series."
"Also Known As: Mr. Productivity, Mr. Clever, Mr.Fix-it."
"Trustworthy references available upon request-if I give them a few bucks."
"Let”s meet so you can ”ooh” and ”ahh” over my experience."