Ever since the dawning of the history of mankind, there have been myriads of diversifed inventions, discoveries, and even explorations of the mysteries of the universe. In fact, the human beings are so intelligent that we have solved almost all kinds of problems we have confronted with .
However, nobody has ever made out what the word “love” really connotes, not even the most famous people such as great politicians, saints and philosophers can clarify the meaning of “love”, neither can they deal with the various affairs concerning love. Love is like a huge boundless net that shrouds us all in. We can neither break away from it nor escape from it. Like it or not, we are always entangled in it. It is an invisible net without any form, that shrouds in different people from different angels; It is a merciless net that upsets us or even tortures us to death. It is also a supreme net which almost no human can surpass. Even if they are heroes, emperors, wise men or saints, they can do nothing but show their helplessness in its face. Those who can breathe through the holes of the net should be regarded beyond commonness and vulgarity. Love can bring us temporary comfort and happiness, but mostly they bring about annoyance and sufferings. Maybe this is the reason why many people have seen through the illusions of the mortal world. However it is not so easy to break away from this boundless, ever-existing and indifferent net of love.
Love is varied and changeable, but roughly it can be divided into three categories: family love, fraternal love and amatory love. Not like Monkey King who jumped out of the rocks, we were all born after mother”s pregnancy of about nine months, hence we have countless relatives without any choice: parents, grand-parents, and grand-parents-in-law, uncles and aunties, brothers and sisters, etc. and once looking at the genealogical tree, we”ll see no end. Family love is what everyone longs for, but the warmth and support from our beloved ones are what everyone yearns for the most. But how many of us are determined to contribute to our beloved one And how many don”t expect repayment and relaxed. conscience even if they have the desire and preparation to contribute to their beloved. The distance between relatives is different and so are their expectations. But since it”s very difficult to know how much we should expect, a lot of worries and distresses emerge.
Parents always expect their children to show their filial obedience, or at least pay them frequent visits after they have got married. If the children fail to do this, they feel hurt and upset, and they”ll even complain about their children, because they just can”t understand why their children don”t care about them after what they have done for the children for so many years to bring them up. Nevertheless, one”s experience determines his ideology. Young children are naturally attached to their parents, but when they grow up, specially when they have made their own friends, and got married, what they need most is independence and freedom, and parents sometimes might become their burden. Once there is generation gap, it becomes more difficult to communicate and this keeps them away from their parents. Objectively speaking, they need more independence in order to achieve success. In the present society, what the children want to have most is the economic support from their parents, not their moral support or guidance. They would complain if your economic support is not up to their expectations. The love from uncles and aunties would naturally dwindle after they have had their own children. Only the love from grand-parents and grand parents-in-law is pure and demands no repayment, and they are also too old to wait for any repayment. As for the distant relatives, their love depends on their needs, just as the old saying goes “The poor have no friends even if they live in downtown while the rich have distant relatives even if they live in deep mountains”. Granny Liu, a distant kinsfolk, in A Dream of the Red Mansions , claims kinship with the wealthy Jia family, thinking that she may benefit from it in some ways. Liu might have run away without any traces if the Jia family had been a poor one. Another saying goes “Close neighbors are better than distant relatives.” The most difficult is to manage the relatives when doing business together, just as what the TV series program Liu Laogen discloses. It is all right to stay poor together, but as soon as the business grows prosperous, the group will become estranged and even dissolve because of the unfair distribution. Family love is like a maze which we shouldn”t go too far into it, otherwise, we”ll surely get lost. Love is a bilateral matter and unilateral love can only lead you to nowhere in spite of your good intentions. Family love is, sometimes, like an arranged marriage, leaving no choices to you. Due to the different experiences and tastes, staying together temporarily can be entertaining, while living together for a long time can only be boring due to the lack of common interest and understanding. How can we communicate with each other without understanding Parents have the duty to support the children who are not yet economically independent, and children have the responsibility to provide for the elderly parents who are lack of economic abilities to support themselves. Except these two kinds of duties which we must fulfill, other kinds of love become conventional formalities such as paying visit to the sick or the dead and giving presents to the newly-born etc..
No love among relatives has become a normal phenomenon which needn”t to be fussed about. What”s worse is when love is contaminated by money. Sooner or later we will get hurt. The sooner we get out of this net of love, the more we can preserve beautiful memories.
We are not living in vacuum, and the society is formed of various kinds of people. As long as we want to live, study, or work, we have to contact, communicate and cooperate with others. Those who enjoy common interests, mutual understanding, common undertakings and common benefits become friends.
Some friends are called fair-weather friends, because they are together just for entertaining themselves by eating, drinking, and gossiping. Once there”s nothing to eat and drink, their friendship is finished. Some are spiritual friends who share common ambitions, pursuits and education. “They enjoy talking and laughing with the great talents and never make friends with the good-for-nothings”. The best examples would be Yu Boya and Zhong ziqi of the ancient times who are famous not only for their lofty music but mainly for their lofty characters and mutual understanding and appreciation. They cared very little about material wealth, so their friendship is known as “gentlemen”s friendship as pure as water”. The third type of friendship belong to those who show their utter devotion to each other. They are ready not only to share weal and woe but also to die for each other, like the three brothers Liu, Guan and Zhang in the novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms. . We all wish to have this kind of friendship, but it”s of great difficulty for the ordinary people to be as devoted as they were.
Fraternal love or friendship is wide-ranged and flexible. Generally speaking, everyone is our friend, just as Chairman Mao says “Our friends are all over the world”. But transcend age, sex, nationality, state and economic conditions. To them the most important is common benefit, common interest and understanding. Friendship is formed during the course of studying, working and fighting. The battle companions who have survived many hazards usually enjoy long-lasting friendship.
However, fraternal love is not stable. Being away for too a long time, losing all common benefits, friends will become estranged. Once their interest has changed, they no longer understand each other, and even this would harm friendship. At all times and in all countries, many close friends and battle companions who once worked together and fought together became enemies in the end. Quiet a few of the emperors in ancient China even killed those who had helped them found their dynasties. The Taiping Heavenly Kingdom would not have failed if it hadn”t been for the contending and massacring among the those who first rose in rebellion at the beginning of the uprising. What else we need to pay attention to is that some friends, after being away from each other for too long a time, have lost so much of their original characters that when meeting again, you will feel that you are still the same as you were, while they are no longer themselves. They may have the same feeling about you, so sometimes it”s better not to meet each other again. As the Chinese proverb goes “friendship can not last for three years and flowers can not stay in blossom for three months”. It”s not so easy to maintain real friendship which needs mutual understanding, tolerance and sacrifice. Any kinds of harsh treatment will damage friendship.
Amatory love has been a mystery for ages. There”s neither a criterion to judge nor a common rule to follow. Nobody can tell the exact reasons why love emerges. It is not always because of beauty (the ugly doorkeeper Quasimodo in The Hunchback of Notre Dame is loved by the beautiful Gypsy girl Esmeralda), nor kindness (Hitler also has his mistress), nor wisdom ( even the blockhead may sometimes marry a beautiful girl), nor strength (some love starts from sympathy). True love is like getting an electric shock, shaking our soul. It is a sweet dream, a kind of intoxication, indulgence, and endless passion.
True love doesn”t need a long time to grow up, to make clear the family tree of the other, neither does it needs the time to look ahead and behind again and again. Love is not marriage, which usually starts from love, but doesn”t always depend on love to maintain. Long-lasting marriage can eventually turn into a kind of family love, a kind of companionship which preserves the companion but loses the passion. Love is often an wink of the eye, or a smile that hints mutual understanding. In spite of the great distance between them, people may fall in love incidentally. Hence the saying “a distant marriage is tied up with a mysterious thread”. Love needs passion, and it can stand bumps and stumbles, ups and downs, complaints and blames. When it turns into a pool of water, especially dead water, without any billows or waves, it”s time for it to die.
Delicacies are tasty, but eating everyday can still make one lose appetite. Happiness is what everyone longs for, but too much happiness can spoil people who may not care about the happiness they already have. It”s universal to live in happiness without knowing it. The same is true with love. Very few people can love the same person passionately all their lives. All love stories come to an end no matter how beautiful they are, which also demonstrate the changeability of love. What one has been chasing wildly may turn into something one wants to get rid of desperately in the end. Besides, love is usually blind, especially those who fall in love at the first sight. At the very beginning, both try to demonstrate their beautiful side and cover up their Weakness. Fooled by the mysterious color of love, one often mistakes the weaknesses as merits. However, as time passes by, frequent contacts make one bored, and even merits become defects, and then the end of love is coming. What”s more, there are the capricious men and women who never take love seriously, leaving the devoted ones suffering alone. The saying that the devoted is always abandoned by the heartless has almost become the truth of love affairs. What we can”t neglect is that love may turn into hatred, and lovers may also become enemies. The best proof is the numerous divorces.
Even though true love is hard to find nowadays, we still can see some true and infatuated boys and girls who readily give up their families, their parents, their studies, their careers and even their lives for love. They love so passionately, crazily and wildly that they hate anyone who is against their love, and may even harm or kill him if he insists on his objection.
Love has magical power that can exploit people”s potential abilities, bring people”s positive factors into full play, and provide people with the courage to face trials and hardships, to go through life and death, and even to risk universal condemnation. Even in the ancient feudal society, some people were courageous enough to carry on clandestine love affairs. The examples in point were the courageous ones who dared to love the concubines of the emperors or the children of their foes. Love also has miraculous power which can startle the universe and move the gods by attracting the heavenly celestials coming down to earth ( The Love Story of the Cowboy and the Weaving Girl ), and by turning ghosts into human ( Strange Tales of Liao-zhai ). Love can transcend age and generation (Dr. Sun Yat-sen and Madam Song Qingling; Luxun and Xu Guangping). love can show contempt for all conventions and prejudices; love can heal wounds and cure diseases, and love can readjust people”s state of mind. Of course, the result would be the opposite once it hurts.
Great men yearn for true love even more than ordinary people. Since the ancient times, so many heroes couldn”t help falling into the trap of love that the sex-trap has been regarded as one of the 36 stratagems in military tactics. Fuchai, the king of the Wu State, couldn”t be spared of this trap, and Generals Dongzhuo and Lubu fell deeply into it while Xiangyu, the King of the Western Chu State , bid farewell to his beloved concubine in tears. People may have to pay very high price, even their illustrious name for the love they long for even though it may last for only a very short time. Nonetheless no one can tear himself away from love. People often say that their earthly affinity is not yet finished, but in fact it is the love affinity that is the most difficult to finish.
Love is shapeless and priceless. We can blame nobody when captured by it. Love can not be forced, nor can it be pretended. Sympathy is not love, neither is gratitude. Love must be generated from the heart, and expressed in actions. It can not be called love without passions and a deep longing from the bottom of the heart. There”s no impassable gulf between family love and fraternal love. Some family love may turn into friendship. At the same time, natural barriers doesn”t exist either between fraternal love and amatory love. Some friendship may develop into amatory love. The same is true with amatory love which may change into family love after a long time of mutual grinding and polishing.The closer the relationship, and the higher the expectations are, the more difficult it is to get along with each other. Family love, fraternal love and amatory love are three main human feelings. If handled well, they can bring us extreme happiness, while handled improperly, will bring us great sufferings.
The present society is a world of dazzling money and dwindling human feeling contacts. Most people hold a snobbish attitude. They only make friends with people of wealth and of high social status. Just as Zhen Shiyen said in his expounding of the song “All Good Things Must End” in A Dream of the Red Mansions “While men with gold and silver by the chest, turn beggars scorned by all and dispossessed”. Frankly speaking, however, if we regard money the first thing in whichever one of the three kinds of loves, it will depreciate and even become worthless.
Love can not pretend, nor can it tolerate too much selfish motives. It is reported that an old man in Jiangsu Province left his million Yuan heritage to his young housekeeper instead of his own children, because his own children didn”t take care of him while the young housekeeper accompanied him through his last lonely and helpless years.
Love is easily perceivable and perceptible. Flattery words may be cheatable, but true love and false feelings can easily be distinguished. If the people you love only know how to spend your money, you should be careful of them. Everyone can help you spend your money if you give them the chance. Never turn your love into the slave of money.
Love should be selfless, and feelings should be sincere. We shouldn”t judge our feelings according to the distance of the relationship. Everyone treasures love and nobody can fool himself or the others. A Chinese saying goes: real heroes yearn even more for true love, and great men cherish tender love for their children.
We are the saint on earth, and should treasure our love, but we should know how much is good and where to stop. Since there”s no ever-lasting banquet, nor is there an endless love story, we should take the gains and losses of love with perfect composure. There”s fragrant grass in every corner of the earth, and you can always find your love in this world.
Translated by Zhang Baodan
June 20, 2004
中文
人類幾千年，有過許多的發明創造，有過許多的新奇發現，現在又在探索宇宙的奧秘，但始終搞不懂的就是一個“情”字。包括那些中外的名人、偉人、聖人，一切先哲們，都說不清“情為何物”，都處理不好與情相關的種種事務。情就好比一張無邊無際的網、如影隨形的網，走到哪裡都被它罩着。掙又掙不脫，躲又躲不了，歡喜也罷，厭煩也罷，總得被糾纏。這是一張無形的網，沒有固定輪廓，會從不同的角度，以不同的方式去網住不同的人。這又是一張無情的網，不僅會讓你不開心，甚至可以把人蹂躪致死。這又是一張至高無上的網，天地間幾乎無人能超越它。能在這張網上開出一個小天窗，那已經是超凡脫俗了。無論什麼英雄、皇帝，無論什麼智者、聖賢，在情網之中都表現得無奈和束手無策。情，也許會給人們短暫的欣慰和幸福，但帶給人們更多的是煩心和苦惱。這也正是許多人想脫離、想看破紅塵的主要根源。但這種無邊無際、無時無地、無責無義的網，豈是輕易甩得開的。
情有千種萬種，也可千變萬化，但歸納起來無非有三，即親情、友情、愛情。
我們都不是孫悟空，不能從石頭裡蹦出來。我們要經過母親的十月懷胎，被動地生下來。於是我們無從選擇地有了眾多的親戚：父母、祖父母、外祖父母、五叔、六舅、七大姑、八大姨，兄弟姐妹，包括表兄弟姐妹等，數不清。如果續上家譜，宗親之間更無盡無休了。
親情是人們渴望的，但更多的是渴望從親情中得到溫暖和支持。有多少是立志為親情奉獻的呢？即便有奉獻的嚮往和境界，又有多少在奉獻之後不求回報和心理平衡的呢？親情之間彼此距離不都一樣，期望值也相差很大。但這個度到底是多少，很難把握，一切的煩惱和苦痛也由此而生。
父母總是希望孩子聽話、孝順，至少能常回家看看。如果不能呢？那就會傷心、難過，甚至抱怨。父母潛意識裡總認為，我把你們供養大，沒有功勞、也有苦勞，怎麼能不在意我呢？但存在決定意識。孩子們小的時候固然特別依戀也依賴父母，但長大以後，特別是有了朋友、成了家，更多需要的是獨立和寬鬆，父母有時確實成為負擔。如果有代溝，交流有了困難，對父母也會更多的迴避。客觀地說，他們要成長為棟樑之材，也確實需要更多的獨立發展。目前社會，兒女更多希望的是父母經濟上的援助，而不是他們精神及生活方面的指導。經濟慷慨不達標，也會抱怨。至於姑姑、叔叔、舅舅、姨娘，在有了自己的孩子后，這親情自然會淡薄的。唯有祖父母、外祖父母對隔輩人的寵愛是純真和不求回報的。他們的年齡也等不到回報。說到遠親，那就看需要。就如俗語所說：窮在鬧市無人問，富在深山有遠親。《紅樓夢》里的劉姥姥，就是個八杆子打不着的遠親，看到賈府有油水，就來攀親。如果窮呢？那就不知劉姥姥會在哪了。遠親不如近鄰。如果是做事業，親戚在一起干最難管理。電視劇《劉老根》揭示得很深刻。窮還好辦，發達了一定會因為分配不均而疏遠、甚至[你閱讀的文章來自:]散夥。親情是個迷宮，不要進入太深，否則會找不到出去的門。感情不是一廂情願的事，即便本意善良，出發點是好的，由於分寸難拿，仍然會踏上不歸路。其實親情有時好比一個包辦婚姻，你沒有選擇，也無從選擇。大家由於經歷和生活品味不一樣，短暫相聚，還能熱熱鬧鬧，長期相處可能會沒共同情趣、沒有共同語言。語言不通怎麼交流？除了父母對經濟尚未獨立的子女有撫養義務，子女對年老又經濟乏力的父母有贍養義務，必須履行外，有些親情，已變成生老病死的一種敷衍。是親戚而無親情的許多現象，都很正常，不必大驚小怪。如果親情里沾上了銅臭，那就更不值得留戀了，裂痕只是早晚。邁步抽身早，還可留存一點美好的回憶。
人不是生活在真空里。人們要生活、要學習、要工作、要幹事業。人類是個群體。你總要和一些人們接觸、交流、合作。其中有談得來的，有共同志趣、共同語言、共同事業和利害關係的，就成了朋友。
友情中，有些僅止於吃吃喝喝，東家長，西家短，幹不了什麼正事，稱為酒肉朋友。有一天沒得吃，沒得喝，也就各奔東西了。有的屬於精神型，彼此有些共同理想、追求，有一定的文化底蘊，所謂“談笑有鴻儒，往來無白丁”，又如古代的俞伯牙、鍾子期，高山流水覓知音。他們對金錢相對要看淡些，因此被譽為“君子之交淡如水”。也有些屬於生死之交，彼此肝膽相照、榮辱與共，遇到危難，可以兩肋插刀，象《三國演義》中的劉、關、張，誓同生死。人們都希望得到這樣的友情，但自己實踐起來比較困難。
友情是一個面積寬，伸縮性大的領域。泛談，都可稱朋友，我們的朋友遍天下。細分，真正成為知已的廖廖無幾。朋友不分年齡（有忘年之交），朋友不分性別（有異性朋友），朋友不分種族、不分國家、有時也不分窮富。最重要的是有共同的利害關係，有共同的興趣和語言。友情往往是在學業中、事業中、戰鬥中形成。那些經歷過九死一生的戰友，感情尤其深厚和長久。
友情的可變性很大。分別得太久，共同的利害關係沒有了，就會日久情疏。由於志趣的變化，共同語言沒有了，甚至意見相左，也會破壞友誼。古今中外，許多創業的盟友、戰友，最後演化為敵人。中國不少開國之君（朱元璋等）都曾殺過功臣。太平天國如果不是幾個共同起事的王者相互爭鬥殘殺，也許不至於半途而廢。我們不得不注意到，一些分別得太久的朋友，生活會磨掉了他們的原形。再見面的時候，你會感到你還是你，他已不再是他了。對方也許會有同樣的感覺，以致彼此感到見不如不見。人無千日好，花無百日紅。維持情深誼厚的友情並不容易，需要相互理解及各自的寬容和犧牲。相互任何的苛求，都會破壞友情。
愛情是個千古之謎。愛情沒有劃一的標準，沒有共通的規律。為什麼會產生愛，誰也說不清。並不一定就是美麗（《巴黎聖母院》中醜陋的看門人也有人愛），並不一定就是善良（希特勒也有情婦），並不一定就是智慧（傻人有傻命，賴漢娶花枝），並不一定就是強大（有些愛情始於同情）。真正的愛情給人的是觸電的感覺。是一種心靈的震撼，是一種魂牽夢繞，是一種陶醉，是心曠神怡，是樂不思蜀，是無限的激情。
真愛並不一定需要日久生情，並不一定需要查清祖宗三代，甚至來不及瞻前顧後。愛情並不等同於婚姻。雖然婚姻常常因愛情而起，但並不始終靠愛情維持。婚姻由於曠日持久，到後來常常會轉化為一種親情，一種夥伴關係，雖然相知相伴，卻丟失了激情。
愛情常常是一個眼神，一個微笑就心有靈犀了。一見鍾情是愛情的多發現象。遠在天南地北，竟可以因一個偶然而相互期許，所以，才有千里姻緣一線牽的說法。
愛情是需要激情的。因而她不怕磕磕碰碰，不怕起起落落，不怕一時的抱怨和責難。如果真的成了一潭清水、甚至一潭死水，沒有波瀾，沒有浪花，這愛情也就該死亡了。
即便是山珍海味，人們也會吃膩。太多的美好，會把人們寵壞，而不去珍惜。生在福中不知福，是很普遍的。能夠激情永遠的人，始終是少數。所以無論多麼美好的愛情故事，都會講完。這些都註定了愛情的多變性。曾經狂熱追求的，也許是後來想極力擺脫的。況且，許多一見鍾情的愛情，都帶有盲目性。初起，各自都把最好的方面展示出來，而去掩飾自己的不足。加上愛情的神秘色彩，經常看花眼，缺點也會當優點去容納。時間久了，接觸多了，漸生厭倦，優點也看成了缺點，那就快結束了。更有一些水性楊花、朝三暮四的男男女女，本就把愛情當遊戲，認真的一方就吃虧了。多情總被無情棄，是愛情風月場上的真理。最不可疏忽的是，愛可以轉變為恨，愛情可轉化為敵情。許多離婚案都是有力的證明。真正純情的男女們，雖然已經不多，但他們真是很捨得。他們為了愛情（也許只是一時的），可以脫離家庭、背叛父母，可以放棄學業、放棄事業、甚至可以殉情。那真是，誰反對跟誰急。也有人愛得痴迷，愛得瘋狂、愛得失去理智，竟然會傷人、殺人。
愛情是有一定魔力的。她可以召喚人們的潛能，挖掘人們的力量，調動人們的積極性，讓人們在特定的時刻，不怕風雨，不怕艱難，不怕生死，敢冒天下之大不韙。即便在古老的封建社會，人們仍在偷情，正所謂色膽包天。皇帝的妃子也有人敢惹，仇人的子女也一樣敢追求。愛不僅具有魔力，還具有神力，能動天地、泣鬼神，把許多看似不可能的各種極端拉在一起。愛可以讓天仙下凡（牛郎織女），愛可以讓鬼狐成精（聊齋），愛可以跨越年齡和輩份（孫中山和宋慶齡，魯迅和許廣平），愛可以超越世俗和成見。愛可以療傷、可以治病、可以調解人們的心態。當然，受到愛的傷害也會適得其反。
越是英雄越縱情，英雄難過美人關。自古以來許多英雄豪傑，都因為把握不了自己的方寸而墮入情網，甚至落入溫柔陷阱，從而使美人計成為36計中的一計。吳王夫差，未曾倖免。董卓、呂布深陷其中。西楚霸王也揮淚別姬。人們對於愛情的追求，有時只是一剎那，而付出的可能是千千萬萬，甚至是一世英明。但情又有誰能割捨得了呢？
人們常說，塵緣未了。其實塵緣中最難了斷的就是情緣啊！
情無形，也無價。做了俘虜，也怨不得誰。但愛情是不能勉強的，不是任何錶面能遮蓋的。同情不是愛情，報恩也不是愛情。愛情一定要發乎心，成於行。沒有心動，沒有神往，不是愛情。
親情與友情，沒有不可逾越的鴻溝。有些親情可以演繹為友情。友情與愛情也沒有天然屏障，個別的友情也會發展為愛情。同樣，愛情經過磨合，又有部分會轉化為親情。
人們關係離得太近、期望值增加，就會增加相處的難度。所以無論親情、友情、愛情，都是難度比較大的人情。相處得好，會有極大的歡欣。分寸把握不好，會帶來很大痛苦。能夠給你傷害的主要是這三種情感。
目前的社會，金錢耀眼，人情淡薄。人們相交，常常長出一雙勢力眼。看官位、看金錢。正如《紅樓夢》中“好了歌”的註釋所說“金滿箱，銀滿箱，轉眼乞丐人皆謗。”但我們可以坦言宣告，這三種人情中，無論哪一種把金錢放在首位，都會使情感貶值，甚至會分文不值。
情不能摻假，情不能包藏過多的自私動機。記得電視上報道過江蘇的一位老者，死後將價值百萬的家產給了小保姆，而不是他的女兒。因為他的女兒不管他，而曾經做過小保姆的女孩陪伴了他最孤獨無援的幾年。
情是一種感覺、感知的東西。花言巧語，雖可生成迷霧，但真情假意是不難分辨的。如果情感變成只是幫你花錢，就要警惕了，因為全世界的人都能幫你花錢，只要你給他們機會。千萬不要把情感變成金錢的奴隸。
愛應該是無私的，情應該是真誠的。無論遠、無論近，都不能自欺欺人。無情未必真豪傑，憐子如何不丈夫？我們是天地間的聖者，要懂得珍惜情感，收放有度，得失泰然。
天下沒有不散的宴席，天下沒有講不完的故事。天涯何處無芳草，天下誰人不識君？
宋遠利
2003/2/12
英語演講稿《情love》 標籤：奧巴馬開學演講